10 Things I had to learn by myself (my mother never taught me):
i. Blame the person who hurts you, not yourself. Never blame yourself for not being what they wanted or not being “good enough.” You are made with perfectly flawed traits, stitched together to be loved unconditionally.
ii. Not everyone you love will love you back and the people who do love you, you won’t always reciprocate the feelings. But that doesn’t make them or you a bad person. You can’t love everyone and not everyone will love you. I refuse to blame the people that can’t find it in their soul to give me what I give them. I don’t give to get back. I give because I want to and because I can.
iii. Don’t let one person tell you negative things about yourself. One opinion out of a million does not make you who you are. No one paints a masterpiece for you, you are the art piece. You make who you are. You are the artist.
iv. Don’t ever settle. People always feel safer with things that they are used to and comfortable with instead of seeking for the heart pounding feelings and moments that take their breaths away. I never want it to be easy; I want it to be hard to breathe and suffocating when I give something my all. I want to learn how to survive through that.
v. Learn how to say no. No, I do not want to dance with you. No, I do not want to kiss you. No, I do not want to date you. No, I do not want to do this. No, I do not want to do that. Because that does not make me happy and that does not make me feel comfortable, so no. And I don’t need to give you a reason nor do I need to make up an excuse to say “no.”
vi. There are different kinds of people. Don’t always catergorize people in groups because people are not meant to be labelled. Just because one person hurts you, does not mean the ones in the future will. Just because one person holds a knife doesn’t mean the next one will use it. There is good out there; there is good in the world and there is good in people. Not everyone is a monster. I strongly believe that majority of the population is good.
vii. Do not let the past prevent you from living in the future. Do not let the pain and hurt take over. Don’t close yourself up to others just because you have been broken before. Never allow the demons of yesterday to control the beauty that is to come in the future. Vow to never allow it to always be stormy for the sun does eventually shine down on all things beautiful. I am beautiful, and so are you.
viii. You can swim across the world for someone but they might not even step outside in the drizzle for you. Even if you hold the umbrella for them.
ix. Never give someone the power to rid you of yourself. Don’t ever fall out of your routine or lose who you are permanently. That is so important.
x. Love yourself. Learn to love the birthmark on your face, the chipmunk cheeks, the thighs that jiggle when you walk, the nose you think is too flat, and your fingers that are too short. Learn to appreciate your almond shaped eyes, your skin color, the thin hair that doesn’t grow fast, the beauty mark above your lips, and the small gap between your teeth. Learn to love your sense of humor, your laughter, your emotions, your tendency to trust easily, and how happy you always are. Learn to love the way you love others deeply, how you sometimes fear being lonely, the way you enjoy walks alone, and the radiance in your soul. Learn to love yourself at 3AM when you cannot sleep and can only think of the skeletons hiding in your own closets and learn to love yourself at 3PM when you are cranky and unable to get out of bed. Learn to love yourself and come to terms with the fact that you are you, and that will never change.
I woke up unhappy, I dreamt of him crying because of me. A feeling inside my chest that is so heavy.
We’re surrounded with friends in one place with that I chose not to talk and ignore him.
He confessed to my friends what he’d to do until.. I saw him crying and still I chose to ignore.
I walked out to unwind. To think, if how things will work out with us. Few minutes, I got into the place again.
A thing just fell from my hand on the stairs, he ran from behind to get it but he hugged me first and asked “What’s the problem?”
Tanong ko lang. Mahal mo ba talaga yung bf mo ngaun o nagtitiis ka lang sakanya para gawing panakip butas sa ex mo?
Hindi ko kailangan gumamit ng tao para maging panakip butas siya dahil bago ko siya maging boyfriend isang taon at mahigit akong single. Kung ugali ko manggamit ng tao sana matagal ko na ginawa. Hindi ko din alam kung bakit ako nagtitiis kahit na hindi okay yung estado ng relasyon namin kahit na ayaw sakanya ng family ko. Something is stopping me at yun siguro ay ang mahal ko talaga siya.
Minsan iniisip ko kung ako ba yung may mali sa relasyon namin kaya parang ang boring. I mean boring talaga.
Kasi hindi ako yung unang nagtetext parang inaantay ko lang na una siya magtext or kausapin ako kahit may load naman ako. I don’t know, yung point ko kasi parang ayokong mauna tapos di ako papansinin, the thought of being ignored kumbaga hahayaan ko nalang na siya mauna kesa maramdaman ko yun, ang ending pareho lang yung mararamdaman ko kasi natitiis niya ako hindi kausapin.
Hindi siya sweet, our communication when we’re apart is inconsistent. Pero pag magkasama naman kami parang okay naman walang problema. But it only happens twice or swerte pa nga when thrice in a month.
Parang tanga. This is not the relationship I wanted to have as if he only talk to me just to say that sometimes he exist in my life. What the fuck.
Minsan nagwowonder ako na pwedeng pwede ko siya palitan anytime, pero hindi ko magawa.